What some people will do for their brother-in-law

This is about the time of the year that I start searching the internet for prospective places to go fishing this coming year. One of my brothers-in- law and I like to go on a road trip and we have taken his son and son-in-law on them. It's one of those male bonding things where the old guys pass on collective wisdom to the young'ns. We also include a golf package with this so the young'ns are able to pass on their collective wisdom (get even) to the old'ns.

The trouble with these trips is all of us usually take along cell phones so we can keep in touch with our respective "Household-6s" (that's militaryese for our wives). In fact, we've even fallen into the bragging mode if a respective day of fishing was better for one of us than the others. And you know what -- cell phones now have the ability to take pictures and send them instantaneously to friends, family, CNN, America's Funniest Home Videos, etc. That leads me to the REAL story behind the picture.

It seems we rented a fishing boat at a place on Kentucky Lake. After paying for the gas, buying licenses, and paying deposits for various things including life jackets and oars (this is a key word), we set off to find Walter (Sorry -- momentary flashback to "On Golden Pond"). As is our custom, when we snag a lure on a log or something, we non-judgementally just maneuver the boat over to the spot so we can get the lure back. Well, it seems we were close to the shore on this one particular time and I picked up the oar to push us back out into the water. Unfortunately, the bottom was a bit muddy and the oar stuck there...but the boat was going out!

Well, there I was, both hands on the oar, both feet on the boat, and the boat moving ever-so-slowly out, and out, and ...you guessed it...out to the point of no return. All I could hear was my brother-in-law saying, "My deposit! My deposit!!"

Now, depending on whom you talk to in the boat, the details get fuzzy at this point. But rather than suffer the slings and arrows of abuse sure to accompany falling in the lake, but still trying to do the right thing, I decided to just jump in the lake. Of course all of this was caught on a cell phone camera. However, if you examine the picture carefully, you will see my shorts are wet from around the waist down. Had I fallen in, I most certainly would have been soaked and probably muddy. I rest my case. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot -- I seem to recall that year I caught the first fish ($1.00), most fish ($1.00) and biggest fish ($1.00). Shoot -- I probably could have bought that oar with my winnings.

This is certainly the stuff LEGENDS are made of, and I can hear those young'ns sitting around a campfire somewhere passing this story down to their children in years hence.

Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

Hooah

The Great Pyramids of Egypt

I was working on our taxes the other night (See Government Rule No. 1 on previous posting). After about an hour or so, I leaned back and stretched and my eye was caught by a piece of petrified wood on my desk. Now before you get started, this in no way had any reflection on my entering into retirement, and isn't your opening for the "You're so old..." and "What was it like crossing the alps and soldiering with Hannibal" jokes. I got enough of that in my last assignment. So just keep reading.

Anyway, this particular piece of my history came from the middle of the desert in Egypt. It seems that as a young first lieutenant, my MP platoon happened to be securing a jump zone for a combined airborne exercise with some members of the Egyptian military back in 1985. The drop zone was littered with these brown things. So, being the curious type, and bored because I wasn't jumping, I wandered out to see what this stuff was. Petrified wood. Big chunks of it. They still also had mineral deposits on them. So, I proceeded to do what GIs have done for centuries -- I picked up a few souvenirs.

When I got back home, I asked the earth science teacher at my high school what he thought of this. He told me that the desert area was a huge sea at one time, long, long ago. In fact, he told me that the whole area was covered with forests before the sea came. Hmmmmm.

While there, I also got time to visit the Great Pyramids at Giza and took some of my soldiers with me. Having obviously not paid much attention to the descriptions and accounts of the pyramids, I was not sure what would be inside them or much of anything else concerning them for that matter. So, our little band set off to discover the secrets of the ancients. We had to crawl up ladders and through very narrow passageways but finally got into the burial vaults. They were huge. The walls were smooth and cool, and the blocks were huge and fit together in such a way that our modern architects and masons would be very envious.

I was absolutely overcome with deep thoughts of "They didn't build these by themselves." and "Just think of the history this place has seen." when one of my junior soldiers blurted out: "C'mon LT. This place is hot. Let's go have a beer."

Well, it seems some things don't ever change. I guess it's like that old saying...youth is wasted on the young. But I did have to laugh to myself. Any time you are doing taxes and you can have a funny flashback, that's a good diversion. No, I didn't go down stairs and have a beer... but I think I did back then.

Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

Hooah

As we work toward April 15th ...

It's 2100 hours, only 10 degrees outside headed for the sub-zero figures and I am sitting here pulling together all the important little pieces of paper I saved over the past year in an attempt to organize myself for the Tax Man's inevitable visit on or about April 15. I guess one can never start too soon.

Unfortunately, my enthusiasm is lagging a bit and it's hard to get fired up. Maybe I just need some enlightenment or some inspiration. Where can I get some of that? Oh, those of you who have read some of the entries in this space to date are way ahead of me aren't you ... Yep, the Green Book!!

Unfortunately, I don't have any Dog wisdom that fits here, but I did come up with some guidance from an interesting old cowboy -- Ronald Reagan who said: "The Taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the Civil Service examination."

I bet this will MOTIVATE me.

What the heck. While we're on that topic, do you suppose the general populace is getting "motivated" by all the STUFF thrown around on the TV by all the political candidates. They all say they are going to change things. Reagan had some thoughts on the subjects of politics and government. He once said: "Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards. If you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." S'pose that's why the political book section is so big at Little Professor stores.

Change? Why would we want to change this: "Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." (R. Reagan)

Or change this: "Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other." (R. Reagan)

Or change this: "I have often wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress." (R. Reagan)

Or change this: "It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned, however, that it bears a striking resemblance to the first." (R. Reagan)

Oh well. This too shall pass. The tax man will be satisfied and America will elect someone and as Charles Schultz once said, "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."

Hooah

Wisdom comes with age and in the strangest places...

It's amazing the things you can think of as the early morning sun comes up over the Afghan mountains. At 58, I know I was thinking I am getting too old for this stuff. But then I saw the beautiful sunrise, said a little prayer, and then remembered one of the rules of life that has guided me: "Everyone grows older. The trick is not to GET OLD en route." This certainly qualified as not getting OLD.

I tried to keep things in my life "new" and fresh and always to see a positive in everything, regardless of how small or fleeting. Admittedly this was sometimes easier said than done, but all in all, it has really been a good ride. I am so grateful to my wife and son for putting up with me in all my travels and times away from them. I know they sacrificed a great deal for me to be able to do my things. I'm sure I haven't said "Thank You" enough to them and those who helped me along the trail.

An important thing I did learn during these journeys, however, was that it was my job to pass along wisdom and lessons learned to those who follow. One of the many things I kept in my Green Book was a list (yep, another list) called "Great Truths about Growing Old." I cannot claim these as my own creation, but I really liked them. Feel free to adopt them as your own and apply the lesson to your life.

1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. (There is a "Man corollary" to this one: "Always look around to see if anyone saw you fall and then decide is anything is broken.")

4. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5. It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6. Time is a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Hooah

My take on goal setting ...

Did I mention that I am not only retired from the Army, but also from a career (30 years) as an educator. I taught English for about 11 years and then went into high school administration. One of the annual millstones that had to be completed each year in each of these careers was the setting of the annual goals writing them out on some sort of form for the world to see so you/they can tell if you are successful, if you are a success. I'm not saying that this is necessarily a bad thing, in fact it keeps most of us on track, energized and accountable. The only trouble is nobody really puts down what they really want to set as a goal.

Also, people are always harangued about defining success as it relates to their job. "How's your job going? Are you a success?"

I don't suppose I would have ever gotten away with saying that my goal is really to eat one less Snickers Bar this week and six fewer this month, walk a bit more (not run!) and do one push-up and one sit-up during every commercial on the Monday Night Football broadcasts. I might even define success as weighing two pounds less at the end of the month. That would have been a worthwhile goal for me -- the Snickers and a Diet Coke for lunch guy. That would have been success. That's what I would have liked to have said. That's what I would have really liked to have said, but I know none of that was covered in the Army regulations and the school couldn't have cared less.

Well, now that I have reached the refined and sophisticated years of life, and I know what my goals are for the next 10 years or so: live a long and healthy life, catch more fish, lower my golf score, travel with my beautiful wife, bounce grandkids on my knee, do some more flying (oh, yeah, I am a licensed pilot, too), make a contact in every state in this country on my HAM radio (yeah, I am licensed at that too!).

Now, you may not be into all of these goals, and you may not have an idea of whether or not you are a success in life. So I'm going to share with you a short list that pretty much sums up successes throughout one's life. I've met some of them and plan to work on the rest. I have to admit I didn't come up with this definition but I sure like it.

SUCCESS:
...at age 4, SUCCESS is not peeing your pants.

...at age 12, SUCCESS is having friends.

...at age 16, SUCCESS is having a driver's license.

...at age 35, SUCCESS is having money.

...at age 50, SUCCESS is having money.

...at age 70, SUCCESS is having a driver's license.

...at age 75, SUCCESS is having friends.

...at age 80, SUCCESS is not peeing your pants.

I carried this list around with me in my little green book and came across it during some pretty bad meetings. Yep -- brought a smile to my face and certainly confused the others in the room.

HOOAH

Some thoughts from my dog...

During my years in the Army, I always carried around a little green book and wrote notes, minutes from meetings, observations, briefing notes, other military stuff and administrivia. Some of the notes -- sometimes called SNOWFLAKES (because their importance or clarity could melt away in an instant) or GOBIs (General Officer's Bright Ideas) -- seemed pretty important at the time and I thought they some day just might keep me out of jail (or at least off the cover of TIME Magazine). Keeping these notebooks is a time-honored military tradition and every officer and senior NCO I ever knew kept them if for no other reason than as a CYA measure.

However, not everything in there was necessarily related to the war effort of the moment. Sometimes in the middle of the most inconsequential meeting you could ever imagine or perhaps at the point of getting way too keyed up by something one of the lawyers or administrative aides would bring up , these gems would allow my mind to wander just enough to get reoriented and refocused, as it were. To me they were certainly no less important than some of the really significant things in there. If you were ever an officer or NCO, you know what I am talking about. There were a lot of times when people would look over at me and wonder what I was smiling about. While they may need some personal interpretation or interjection, the ones below dealt with me keeping things in perspective.

* Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. (Ann Landers)

* If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. (Will Rogers)

* There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. (Ben Williams)

* A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. (Josh Billings)

* The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. (Anon)

* If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. (Mark Twain)

* My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am. (Anon)

I know some would think these are pretty foolish things for an Army officer to be thinking about -- or at least way too simplistic. But you know, sometimes when I would look around at my work, at what my Soldiers and I were doing, and what the implications of of a job done poorly could be, I welcomed these little thoughts that were randomly scattered throughout the book's pages. They helped me keep things on an even plane. I've got lots more of them that I will share in this space later.

HOOAH